Crush at workplace – is it possible to maintain thin line between innocent sweet crush and tint of lust?

These COVID times have been a big bummer and a LONG hibernation – while unbelievable interaction over video calls, mails, re-activated whatsapp groups kept us hooked and opened new avenues in all sorts, there was certainly no personal connection to any of it…… almost forgot how touch feels (literally and figuratively)  😉  . Suddenly we started to realize the importance of three hungers of human existence taught in school- love, appreciation and touch !!

And then comes 2022 when the normalcy started to set in (with a shebang of pent up emotions and human needs) with cautious steps, decided to visit office (the official social platform as we call it)–damn everything was different; how tight/ short the dress can be, how bold the lipstick should be, or how pink the cheeks can be – took some time to figure the new baseline but worth all the effort and why not…….high time, needed to show off (live to fullest- isn’t that what covid has taught us the most)!

Everything was overwhelming (hot seat concept, mask/ no mask in meetings, hand-shakes, small talks before getting to the agenda etc) and as expected (with anxious excitement)………..but the unexpected part was the FACE OFF with the person whom you have admired in every sense– looks, personality, intellect, mannerisms (although virtually over last 2 years ). Finally the Eureka moment arrives-and then what- BINGO

There is now a new sparkle in eyes, blush on cheeks (more pink than KiKo’s newest on the block), naughty smile, love in heart (attraction- okay) , butterflies in stomach and we won’t go below that 😉……….. and then the biggest challenge comes- how to remain calm amidst this beautiful mess going in mind and lust going everywhere else and still maintain sanity and relevance in discussions / meetings?  Phew, don’t even ask!!!

Now we all know that these crushes more often than not don’t see the light of the day and this one too will probably fade away with the replacement theory (damn the human mind- how quick we are to switch)…..but until then thoughts pondering- is it normal to feel like this?  Is it ethical given corporate environment?  Is it immature? Am I not acting my level/age? Oh damn, fuck the ethics and maturity…….life is too short to not feel, to not love and to not touch!!!!! Those butterflies are REAL and LOVELY- at any age, at any stage and in any fucking board room..

And then we justify the feelings- ITS OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY

Discussing with the FRIENDS (what else are the friends and crushes for) the verdict came in ‘Enjoy the bliss till it lasts and until you can’…… and that got me thinking again…. ‘To what extent can I really enjoy’ 😉 ….. Do I want that passionate embrace (if not a kiss), do I want his look admiring me all over, do I want him to mention my name every time we talk……. Oh yes, I want all of this and probably more…… (call it cheap thrills of life or pleasures devoid and pent up in covid times).

But when it’s a crush, there is no thin line between innocence and lust….everything is blurred and has to be (you are thinking from heart and brain’s role is just to keep you in check from some serious regrets!!)

Enjoying the pleasure- still wishing if life could be a little more easy, crushes a little more accessible and love with that touch and feel – a little more available ❤️